


Finding Comfort in Solidarity

by TheLadyMerlin



Series: Finding Comfort [5]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Community: tamingthemuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-02 00:29:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyMerlin/pseuds/TheLadyMerlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike is feeling torn and goes to an old friend for help</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Comfort in Solidarity

**Title:** Finding Comfort in Solidarity  
 **Author:** The Lady Merlin  
 **Rating:** R  
 **Warnings:** none  
 **Pairing:** Spike/Xander, Angel/Spike  
 **Prompt:** Community: Taming the Muse #382 Antithesis  
 **Part:** 5 of Finding Comfort  
 **Status:** in progress  
 **Fandom:** BtVS  
 **Genre:** AU   
**Beta (s):** none, proofread  
 **Disclaimer:** not mine, all belongs to Joss  
 **Graphic:** none yet  
 **Summary:** Spike is feeling torn and goes to an old friend for help  
 **A/N:** This was started as a one shot but a few lovely people wanted a bit more – who am I to say no? - I thought this was going to be the final part but my muse had a tiny bit more to say before we get to the good stuff. ;)

 

Spike sat on the cushion of grass, his knees drawn up with his arms slung around them and a rather pensive look upon his face. He reached out a hand and stroked the cool stone beneath his fingers before letting his hand drop with a small sigh. “I don't know what to do. It's just so damn frustratin', Joyce. I care about them both.” Spike's hands balled into tight fists as heated tears pricked behind his eyes. “They argue and bicker over every little thing, all the damn time. It near kills me to see them tearin' into each other the way they do. Should I give one of them up? But how? How could I even choose? Oh god, Joyce, what do I do?”

Spike sighed again and looked up to the twinkling stars as if they might hold some kind of answer. He smiled wistfully, his eyes returning to the granite stone. “Xander is...how could anyone not love him. He tries so hard and his soddin' friends don't even notice half the time. Smart, he is,” Spike said, emphasizing his point with a finger jabbed in the air. “Oh, not so much with the book smarts,” he continued, the jabbing finger turning into a hand wave accompanied by an almost smile of pride, “but he's got good ol' common sense and that can sometimes be a whole lot better. 

“Never met someone with such a strong belief in everyone else around 'em but almost none in himself. I'm workin' on it. Don't you worry about that, Joyce. Give that boy a bit of confidence and he'll be able to do just about anything.” Spike paused, head tilted, considering his words. “You knew that all along though, didn't you? What would it do to him if I left him, huh? What would it do to me? I don't think I could do it. It would be like leavin' a piece of meself behind.” 

Spike's voice cracked and he swiped an angry hand across his eyes. “And then there's my Sire, Angel. I'm his, of course, no question about that. And I've always loved him as much as I've hated him. More love than hate nowadays though. We've always had a...unique relationship and we had a hard time workin' out the issues between us. We still do sometimes, but Xander's there and it helps.

“He calls me on my bullshit, the boy does, Angel's, too. The boy doesn't let either of us get away with anything. I sometimes wonder about that. If it wasn't for Xander would my Sire and I even be together? I could never completely break things off with my Sire, not even when things were at their worst. Don't know if it's because of the bond between Sire and Childe or something else. Maybe my own stubbornness? Suppose it doesn't really matter either way. Not gonna change anything. I love my Sire with all my undead heart and I always will. Love Xander, too. I've never been so happy and I've never been so sad.”

Spike sighed heavily once more before quoting, “ _It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way. . . ._ ” *

Spike trailed off, slamming his fists into the ground. “Fuck!” he shouted up to the sky, a lone tear finally breaking free and trailing along a sculpted cheek to seep into his hair. He panted heavily, trying to regain control. He opened his eyes and looked at the cold, silent stone. 

“Thought talkin' would help. And I know exactly what you'd say if you could: 'Spike, you need to talk to them. Tell them what you told me.' Ah, if only I could.” His heart twisted painfully, helplessly in his chest. If only... “Hell, if I were making wishes, I would want you here to tell me all that in person. You were a good friend to me, Joyce. Listened to me prattle on about Dru, always ready with a cup o' chocolate, a friendly ear and a big heart. I miss you every single day. I know you'd tell me to follow my heart. But I honestly don't understand what it's tryin' to say an' it's killin' me.” Spike rose, realising the time and his now broken promise to be home early. “I...I better go. Talk to you tomorrow. Night, love.”

Two pairs of worried eyes watched as their lover walked sadly off, their hearts saddened by all that they'd heard; but, perhaps, also open to something new and never before considered. Angel and Xander moved from their hiding place and trailed after Spike, their hands clasped in unspoken solidarity and agreement. 

 

* Quote from _A Tale of Two Cities_ by Charles Dickens


End file.
